Popular culture assumes that romantic love drives sexual desire, and so love without desire is an anomaly that must be explained and fixed. And yet regardless of income or educational level, age, or sexual orientation, low sexual desire is one of the most common complaints we see in psychotherapy and couples counseling. Its most common context is within a desire discrepancy: partner A wants sex far more than partner B. Or partner A wants far more sexual variety, or intensity, than partner B.
Cases involving low sexual desire are difficult for patients and therapists alike.
If we believe simple myths like “Good attachment inevitably leads to good desire and good sex,” or “Women need to be romanced in order to feel desire,” we can waste months pursuing “problems” that get us nowhere. With simplistic models of sexuality, we run the risk of siding with one member of a couple, creating an Identified Patient out of the other. When we back ourselves into such a corner, we helplessly look at the IP and wonder “What’s wrong with you?”
Instead, we’re most effective seeing desire discrepancy as a system phenomenon that two people create together. Clients often resist this at first–which we can turn to our clinical advantage. We also need to ask detailed questions about sex, which some therapists are uncomfortable doing.
In this webinar you’ll learn innovative techniques for dealing with desire issues, such as:
- How to enhance each partner’s compassion for the other
- Why compromise is NOT an effective way to help these couples
- How to talk about sexuality so you get the information you need
- How (and why) to encourage the lower sexual desire partner to say “no” MORE often
- How “outercourse” can lead to more erotic connection and satisfaction for both partners
- How to help people measure and appreciate progress in small increments
- Explicitly bringing “the bad old days” to a close
Can you name eight good reasons someone might not desire sex with someone they care for? In this webinar you’ll learn them–and how to respond most helpfully.